hello world
We can be heroes, just for one day




Saturday, March 24, 2007
well, i really appreciate all your concerns, it's really very sweet of you guys, joy rophi rachel.
but you don't understand, the prayers i make, they're not about things like, good grades, a happy life, or something. i used to pray all the time, i pray that i would be able to grow closer to him, i pray that he would help me learn to love him, understand him. and i try, i do devotions, i read daily bread, but the more i do all this, the more he starts, i dunno. pushing me away? sometimes i bet with him, and i tell him, Lord if you are real, tell me the answer to this, or, let me find my wallet, or something. and when it does happen, at first, i thank him, and i tell him i know he really is there, but then after a while, i start to think, could it just be a coincidence?

can you tell me why, why i am doubting him?

i think i'm at this stage of my life, where im learning to be an adult, learning that i have to become more independent, and everything.

what i want to know is, where is my family?

i've been feeling so alone, i feel like i'm losing my family. my sister is busy with her work and her boyfriend, i see her less then half an hour a week, and talk to her even less then that. i dont even see my mom during the weekdays sometimes. she's such a workaholic. once, just as i was leaving for school, she came home. she had been working since 8.30am till 5.30 am the next day, can you believe it? at least my dad's okay, he comes back quite early at night, about 9, or so.
yesterday, i thought i caught my sister being intimate with her boyfriend at home, and i dunno why, i just stood there and cried. i felt like i've lost my sister. she wasn't there when i needed her. i wanted her to hug me, to comfort me, but there she was, doing it to someone else.
this morning, my mom said to my dad, infront of me, 'fuck you.' my mom, my sweet sweet mom.

8 hours of band today. i didn't feel like going home, i don't like this new feeling of this family.

i don't think i can do this alone.
blogged at9:51 PM


Sunday, March 18, 2007
well holidays are ending, not much studying done, to be frank. holiday homework wasn't mountain loads, i think they should have given more, actually. i think i've got the blogging bug back again! well, we'll see.

the highlights of this week were:

1. sleepover!
2. band with mr hills
3. band with ms sia
4. band!
5. more band!!!

well, yea, i have a pretty boring life, get use to it.
but i truly truly enjoy band, and i think im really fortunate to have such wonderful members in my section, even ms sia said our section was the best. (well only in terms, of attendence, but whatever, ms sia RARELY gives compliments so just let me bask in it.)

i didn't think i'd get such a big reaction out of it, i mean. well. it was just a, i dunoo. and anw. how did you know i was talking about you? -sticks tongue out.

i'm really sick of my hair, it's always been long, thick, hot! well, the thick part's alright i guess. whatever, my sister got me a real wig though! haha! i don't know if i'll ever wear it out though, it's hot and itchy.

syf syf syf syf syf! seems like it's even more important then mid years. PLEASE LET US GET GOLD PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.

the gb had drill competition yesterday, i wonder how it went?

oh, and my sister brought home her boyfriend recently(: can't say i like him much though, maybe because well. he's dating my sister! it's like he's stealing my sister away from me. geesh. am i weird or what. rachel was esctatic when this boy liked her sister haha.

my grandad moved in for awhile, he got my bed and now i sleep on the floor. i wonder if i put an unhappy smiley here people will start shooting arrows at me?

bah, what is wrong with me?
blogged at3:48 PM


Tuesday, March 13, 2007
(:

somehow, the sleepover was the weirdest one i've ever been to, but still, with such awesome people, how can a sleepover not be awsome? the staff at fish&co were really great, and they made the surprise for joy and jocelyn really, uh, surprising!
i can still hear 'SPEED! bang bang bang bang!' in my head right now. haha. rachel with her inflatable mattress, joy's CO2, grace and cheryl with their stupid stuff toys that make really horrible music when their necks are pulled, jocelyn panicking at a game of speed, shusze sitting in a corner refusing to play cards, setting up the 'surprise' for joy and jocelyn with rophi, julia calling shusze 'lobster' and us not forgiving her, taking pretend photos with aiwee on the floor.. what more can i say? you guys are the best buds one could ever wish for. i love this little clique of mine(:

i'm becoming nonchalant about everything. i don't really care about anything either then band, and my studies. things just dont go the way i want it to, so i give up. i really do. God just doesn't seem to listen anymore, so, fine, maybe he's too busy up there creating some other tsunami to wash out countries. i've stop doing devotions, i wont let myself think abt Him. why should i? when he doesn't spare a thought for me, too?

i know, i know, don't come preaching to me right now.. i just need a little break, okay?

and a break is something i have so little of now. I don't know what's your defination of a friend, but mine doesn't involve smsing 24 hrs, with a bright smile on my face, or whatever. like see nicol, he's a good friend of mine, but we dont sms each other about stuff like that, yet, we would consider each other as friends, and stuff. ok, im not making much sense, but i hope you get what i mean. call me selfish, whatever. but i see no obligation to please you all the time, i think i was too nice before.

well, masterclass today with Mr Hills! he's pretty cute, kinda hot. hah(: but was really tired from the sleepover, having slept so little, i couldn't really play my best. but i like him, he keeps giving us encouragement, cracking jokes. i also like his accent(: i think we sounded pretty good as a whole, though, with all the dynamics, accents, accuracy. i really learnt alot.

i wonder what you thought of it. it was just like old times, wasn't it? call it nostalgia, but it could also have been something else.
blogged at9:36 PM