hello world
We can be heroes, just for one day




Sunday, July 31, 2005
i just feel so sad all of a sudden. i thought i've put it all behind me. it's already all in the past. but i don't know why.. all of a sudden. i feel so sad and depressed. i miss it so much. i want it so much. after all these. i suddenly have a crush on some unexpected person. then after that it just goes as suddenly as it comes. i really thought i was okay. i really thought i was over it. i really thought i've pushed it to the backest of my memory. and suddenly it just came flooding out. the more i try not to. the harder it pushes back. i just miss it. i miss the feeling. that feeling. i want it i want it i want it. but i can't ever have it. it won't be the same with someone else. i want it. even though. after all the things i've seen. all the things i've heard. i'm just so. dumb. so stupid. and. i feel like. i've just been leading them on. on some. some fake stupid lie. especially him. im just ever so sorry. but. i miss it so much. i miss him so much. i think it's been a few months. wait. actually just one month. haha. it seemed so long ago...
blogged at2:51 PM


Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Dear Rachel,

i'm typing this out. for all to see today. because. when i saw u cry this afternoon. i felt so helpless. there was nothing i could do.. to stop the tears from coming out. and the thing that made me feel worse was. when u didnt seem like you needed us anymore. you mean alot to me. you do. you are such a perfect friend. the one with the greatest heart i have ever known. the one who would give selflessly, your time and effort. remember last thursday? when we went to the the running thing? remember how we cried our hearts out. when we hugged each other. when we held our hands. didnt you feel that connection. when i cried. and you cried with me. for me. when i saw that. i cried even harder. cos i was so happy and so touched that you would cry for me. even rophi. the great comforter than she is. even she did not cry. after the band's SYF. we drifted apart. we weren't so close anymore. you had to stay back every single day for band practise. so rophi and i would head home with each other. and then now. we have other activities. like the learner's and leader's conference thing. rophi and i. and then you would have to go home with grace. you would tell us, 'you guys arent my only friends you know' im sure you dont mean it. perhaps you do. but don't you know. how hurt we were when we hear you say all these. how hurt i feel? this sounds sick. but i love you alot rachel. you are one of my greatest friends. do you remember how i always go to you when im in need. even though u think i tell rophi everything. but i go to you. when i know that i need someone to count on. someone whom i could pour out my heart and my soul. and i know that you would be sincerely concerned for me. all the problems. relationship problems. everything. i tell it to you. i do. I'm sorry for all the things that i've done and i've said. that have let you down. that caused you to hurt. tha caused you, in any way, to feel rejected. to feel pain. i'm sorry for not knowing and not beiong able to be there for you. when you needed someone most. i just want to tell you. that you're a really special friend.
blogged at10:14 PM


Sunday, July 24, 2005
i fancy this new skin. made by yours truly(: the picture was taken last year.. in the bus. on the way to mount faber i think. for service learning. i miss 1A. best class yet. im gonna go jasmine's house to do the voice recoring thing later on. my parnter's SHUSZE(: rophi and nana poh going too. nicol is going too. cos he's jasmine's partner. lol so weird. imagine nicol and jasmine doing a voice recording together. haha. these past few days have been a blur. so many things going on. i had to stay back every single day. the only day i managed to sleep in was today. but it didnt count cos when u're suppose to sleep in u're suppose to get up really late. but i woke up at like 8 and i couldnt sleep anymore. geesh. yesterday was tiring. awfully. i went to skool early in the morning. around like 7.40. for the learner's and leader's conference thing. we practised presenting and everything.. ms ng was very funny. she's very cute u noe. she's very nice too. she treated us lunch last week. anyway. den mr lim something something came in to hear our presenting.. and to diagonse us. is that how u spell it? lol wadever. and then he said lanz was natural.. rophi was good cos she could memorize her script.. i think yong zhi did the worse. and den he said i had to speak louder then the rest. cos. i have a slang. !!!! i don't have a slang LOR. and the audience wouldnt be able to hear me clearly cos they arent used to me 'slang' so i have to speak louder so that they can register into their heads or something. no matter. ms ng says i've IMPROVED alot(: and after L&L i went home.. and rush rush rush and then i met nicol. and den we went to clemence's house. nicol is funny. really. and he's lame. and he's really lame. really. i don understand how kat can stand him... woops. heh. anyways. clemence's house. all his family members were there i think. nice house. nice room. i like his aircon. and i saw my hamburger thing. i think i spoilt it but he doesnt know lol. yes anyway. we were suppose to go collect camera from him. but we stayed in his room for a while. and watch some weird lame japanese cartoon show. it's like really weird. like this cat suddenly become naked woman. den the sword suddenly become petals den suddenly the man die den all the blood come out. weird weird show. boys are weird. haha. ok den anyway.after den nicol and i went to lilin's house. we were late but we were the earliest amongst the latest. haha. den everyone came. and we made the movie. it was fun. cheryl was really really cute la. haha. she kept throwing the fake food and everything. she's very funny haha. den after that i realized that i had some dinner thing and nicol and rachel and cheryl all had something on and we were all like late and every1 got all irritated and bothered so we hurried everything and den me and nicol took bus home and den i went for the dinner thing wif my mom and my sister. to my fren's house. and den we watched the movie my sassy girl. which is really funny and really romantic and really nice. i like it(: haha. yup and den i slept on the way home. and realized it was 12.15am. i din noe i slept until i woke up. yup. that's about it. well. that's all then. dunno what to say nemore. i think i better go now. suppose to meet shusze at 3!
blogged at5:19 AM


Friday, July 15, 2005
bah. my previous 1 went bonkers.
blogged at9:45 PM